I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i've created a new STD.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
