Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize