i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
