how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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