Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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