I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
