coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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