We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize