Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
