I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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