I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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