Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
