Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
