The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
