and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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