3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
