Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i think i have two assholes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
