break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
