Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
