So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
