Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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