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• (847): View more from Illinois

  dude, osama threatened the US again

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  dude. i slept with your sister last night

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

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• (516): View more from New York

  i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

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• (951): View more from California

  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?

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• (+22): View more from

  I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...

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