dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
