Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
