The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize