32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
