3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
