Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
