Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
