I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
