How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
