whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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