She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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