Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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