the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
