I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
