im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
