Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
