The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
