The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
