Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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