Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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