so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
