his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
