A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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