I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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