So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
