I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
