who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
