If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
