operation have a gay friend backfired
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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