my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
