The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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