There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've blown a few things in my day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
