oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
