we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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