Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize