Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
