I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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