Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
