they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
