fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
