I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
