Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
