his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
