You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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