if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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