U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
