it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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