It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
