Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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