Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
