If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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