you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
