your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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