I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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