so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize