found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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